Comments for A Depression and Anxiety Journey http://jlhuff.wordpress.com a blog about my healing journey through depression and anxiety Mon, 05 Oct 2009 07:22:39 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 Comment on Anxiety issues persist by misha http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/2009/10/05/anxiety-issues-persist/#comment-31 misha Mon, 05 Oct 2009 07:22:39 +0000 http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/?p=40#comment-31 I just read your post and my heart aches for you. I have anxiety as well and it is so very hard - I don't know if it helps you at all but know that you are NOT ALONE. You can find ways to get a handle on this. Somewhere, deep inside you, there is a strength. Bury down deep, take some deep breaths, try with all your might to remember any happy memories you have and write them down. I have been given so much and varied advice while having anxiety, I understand too well how there are periods of feeling like it's impossible to face the day, let alone the next hour. I too was petrified of medication but I have started on medication and it has helped me significantly. Medication can give your nervous system the break it needs to look at things more calmly so that the other treatments such as talk therapy, acupuncture, exercise, eating well, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), hypnotherapy, meditation. I like to read, so I've read so many books on anxiety - some I've thought are rubbish, others have struck a chord. One in particular is written by Dr Claire Weekes - it is a wonderful book, she writes it as though she knows just how anxiety feels and perhaps it might be good for you? The book is called Complete Self Help for your Nerves. I wish you peace, calm and happiness. I just read your post and my heart aches for you.

I have anxiety as well and it is so very hard – I don’t know if it helps you at all but know that you are NOT ALONE. You can find ways to get a handle on this. Somewhere, deep inside you, there is a strength. Bury down deep, take some deep breaths, try with all your might to remember any happy memories you have and write them down.

I have been given so much and varied advice while having anxiety, I understand too well how there are periods of feeling like it’s impossible to face the day, let alone the next hour. I too was petrified of medication but I have started on medication and it has helped me significantly. Medication can give your nervous system the break it needs to look at things more calmly so that the other treatments such as talk therapy, acupuncture, exercise, eating well, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), hypnotherapy, meditation.

I like to read, so I’ve read so many books on anxiety – some I’ve thought are rubbish, others have struck a chord. One in particular is written by Dr Claire Weekes – it is a wonderful book, she writes it as though she knows just how anxiety feels and perhaps it might be good for you? The book is called Complete Self Help for your Nerves.

I wish you peace, calm and happiness.

]]> Comment on self defeating behavior by Bill Bartmann http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/self-defeating-behavior/#comment-30 Bill Bartmann Fri, 18 Sep 2009 00:46:53 +0000 http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/?p=32#comment-30 Hey good stuff...keep up the good work! I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I'm glad I found your blog. Thanks,) A definite great read...:) <a href="http://forum.dotnetpanel.com/members/Bill-Bartmann.aspx" rel="nofollow">-Bill-Bartmann</a> Hey good stuff…keep up the good work! I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,)

A definite great read…:)

-Bill-Bartmann

]]> Comment on self defeating behavior by Hua http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/self-defeating-behavior/#comment-29 Hua Thu, 10 Sep 2009 19:06:25 +0000 http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/?p=32#comment-29 Hello Jihuff, I'm so sorry to hear about your childhood abuse. It takes a strong person to overcome something like this and it sounds like you are on the right path. I hope your talk therapy sessions help you. I just wanted to let you know that Wellsphere's HealthBlogger Network has many people who are in a similar situation as you are. If you would like to share your experience and help others cope, I would encourage you to take a look at http://www.wellsphere.com/health-blogger, and to consider applying to join the HealthBlogger Network. If you need any assistance, please feel free to email me at hua [at] wellsphere [dot] com. Best regards, Hua Director of Blogger Networks Hello Jihuff,

I’m so sorry to hear about your childhood abuse. It takes a strong person to overcome something like this and it sounds like you are on the right path. I hope your talk therapy sessions help you. I just wanted to let you know that Wellsphere’s HealthBlogger Network has many people who are in a similar situation as you are. If you would like to share your experience and help others cope, I would encourage you to take a look at http://www.wellsphere.com/health-blogger, and to consider applying to join the HealthBlogger Network.

If you need any assistance, please feel free to email me at hua [at] wellsphere [dot] com.

Best regards,
Hua
Director of Blogger Networks

]]> Comment on self defeating behavior by Bill Bartmann http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/self-defeating-behavior/#comment-27 Bill Bartmann Wed, 02 Sep 2009 02:55:41 +0000 http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/?p=32#comment-27 Cool site, love the info. Cool site, love the info.

]]> Comment on self defeating behavior by sioneve http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/self-defeating-behavior/#comment-26 sioneve Wed, 19 Aug 2009 07:02:41 +0000 http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/?p=32#comment-26 Its so hard to be openly angry with your mom. Moms are all sunshine and goodness and apple pie in our culture and we are brought up thinking that we should be good girls for our mothers because they do everything for us and care for us. We feel the need to protect out mothers in some sense. We feel guilty when we feel anything negative towards our mothers and so bottle it all up. It sounds like you feel responsible for your protecting mom's feelings because she was abused as well. Could this be blocking your way? I used to feel responsible for my mom as well. I had to be the good little girl who always made sure that I played nice around mom. Once I faced up to the fact that I am not responsible for my mother, I started the discussion with her about my hurt, and why she always acted like my hurt meant nothing. It caused a lot of upheaval in my family. But I was finally able to stop 'playing nice'. Unleash you anger and hurt. Feel everything that you feel without guilt or judgement of yourself. Find your freedom. Its so hard to be openly angry with your mom. Moms are all sunshine and goodness and apple pie in our culture and we are brought up thinking that we should be good girls for our mothers because they do everything for us and care for us. We feel the need to protect out mothers in some sense. We feel guilty when we feel anything negative towards our mothers and so bottle it all up.
It sounds like you feel responsible for your protecting mom’s feelings because she was abused as well. Could this be blocking your way?
I used to feel responsible for my mom as well. I had to be the good little girl who always made sure that I played nice around mom. Once I faced up to the fact that I am not responsible for my mother, I started the discussion with her about my hurt, and why she always acted like my hurt meant nothing. It caused a lot of upheaval in my family. But I was finally able to stop ‘playing nice’.
Unleash you anger and hurt. Feel everything that you feel without guilt or judgement of yourself. Find your freedom.

]]> Comment on self defeating behavior by jlhuff http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/self-defeating-behavior/#comment-25 jlhuff Wed, 19 Aug 2009 06:18:05 +0000 http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/?p=32#comment-25 I am in talk therapy right now, and have been at several different times in my life. It isn't very deep and I am not confronting those things in with this therapist. I have done that in other talk therapy though. I was lucky enough to have gotten therapy soon after the abuse ended and was able to confront a great deal of the things that had broken me, as you say, but that is not happening in this particular talk therapy I am in. Maybe I need to be doing that, because right now I am not making much progress in my therapy and there seems to be something that is getting in the way. Maybe if I went back to that and confronted some of the issues from the abuse that might lead me to find the thing that is impeding my progress. I don't know. Thanks for reading my blog and thanks for the advice. I am in talk therapy right now, and have been at several different times in my life. It isn’t very deep and I am not confronting those things in with this therapist. I have done that in other talk therapy though. I was lucky enough to have gotten therapy soon after the abuse ended and was able to confront a great deal of the things that had broken me, as you say, but that is not happening in this particular talk therapy I am in. Maybe I need to be doing that, because right now I am not making much progress in my therapy and there seems to be something that is getting in the way. Maybe if I went back to that and confronted some of the issues from the abuse that might lead me to find the thing that is impeding my progress. I don’t know. Thanks for reading my blog and thanks for the advice.

]]> Comment on self defeating behavior by jlhuff http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/self-defeating-behavior/#comment-24 jlhuff Wed, 19 Aug 2009 06:13:49 +0000 http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/?p=32#comment-24 I have been in therapy a number of times over the years, but I have never done anything with getting in touch with my inner child or anything like that. You're right, though, I should do this and she is angry. She is angry with me (herself) but she's also angry at her (my) mom. She never thought it was okay to be angry with mom, but she has been angry with mom for a long time. She's angry with mom for not noticing that it was happening, for choosing her abuser over her, and for making her leave home instead of kicking him out of the house. She never believed it was okay to say these things because mom was abused, too, and because mom took care of her and made sure she had the things she needed, and because she was mom and surely she'd go to hell for saying such horrible things about mom. I am going to try to reconnect with her and let her express this stuff, to let her get it all out so she's not transferring it to herself (me) anymore. Thanks for the suggestion and for reading my blog. I have been in therapy a number of times over the years, but I have never done anything with getting in touch with my inner child or anything like that. You’re right, though, I should do this and she is angry. She is angry with me (herself) but she’s also angry at her (my) mom. She never thought it was okay to be angry with mom, but she has been angry with mom for a long time. She’s angry with mom for not noticing that it was happening, for choosing her abuser over her, and for making her leave home instead of kicking him out of the house. She never believed it was okay to say these things because mom was abused, too, and because mom took care of her and made sure she had the things she needed, and because she was mom and surely she’d go to hell for saying such horrible things about mom. I am going to try to reconnect with her and let her express this stuff, to let her get it all out so she’s not transferring it to herself (me) anymore. Thanks for the suggestion and for reading my blog.

]]> Comment on self defeating behavior by AmandaRediscovered http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/self-defeating-behavior/#comment-23 AmandaRediscovered Wed, 19 Aug 2009 05:43:10 +0000 http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/?p=32#comment-23 Since by your post you say you are in therapy, I can only assume you've done this already, but just in case you haven't, I'd like to offer a suggestion: Everyone needs to know that they are heard, that their personal anguish is understood, and commiserated with. That someone feels something for our plight. The abused little girl inside of you is no different. The questions 'Why didn't you say something sooner?' 'Why didn't you tell me?' and others along that vein, while generally posed out of guilt by the questioner for not having noticed the abuse sooner, only serves to instill in the abused the notion that somehow they are to blame for the abuse. Find a quiet time and place to sit down, get in touch with her, and allow her to express her anger. With you, with her abuser, with the ones of whom she feels didn't do enough, with everyone and everything. Let her vent, let her scream, rant, cry and throw a temper tantrum. Let her be heard. Sometimes it's easier to allow that part of you expression through a letter that starts out "I'm so ANGRY. I'm angry that this happened to me, I'm angry that ..." Any and everything that is felt, no matter how silly your THINKING mind says it is, say it, express it. Your (her) FEELINGS don't care if it's rational or not. It's how she feels, and no amount of rationalizing it will change it. Saying a feeling isn't rational (even to ourselves) will not make it go away. Perhaps she resents you for making her feel that her FEELINGS aren't valid, just because they may not make sense to your adult, rational mind. Then... apologize to yourself. Apologize to the little girl inside of you for not allowing her to express her feelings, for trying to force her to suppress her true feelings. Picture current self, the thinking, rational, grown-up you, hugging that frightened little girl version of you. Holding her, and apologizing for anything you've done to contribute to her hurt and pain. Reconnect with her. The abused girl inside of you is angry. She's hurt. And it may not even be you (herself) she's angry at. Maybe deep down, she's angry at people she feels she shouldn't be angry with (the one's who 'rescued' her, perhaps), so in lieu of expressing anger at them, she's transferring that anger to self (you). Allow her to express that anger in an environment she feels safe in (for me, it was never to anyone but myself, a therapist or counselor always inhibited me for that initial connection, but was good to talk with about what I discovered from it). Good luck, and I hope you find the inner peace you (and your inner child) deserve. May all your endeavors prosper; Amanda Since by your post you say you are in therapy, I can only assume you’ve done this already, but just in case you haven’t, I’d like to offer a suggestion:

Everyone needs to know that they are heard, that their personal anguish is understood, and commiserated with. That someone feels something for our plight. The abused little girl inside of you is no different. The questions ‘Why didn’t you say something sooner?’ ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ and others along that vein, while generally posed out of guilt by the questioner for not having noticed the abuse sooner, only serves to instill in the abused the notion that somehow they are to blame for the abuse.

Find a quiet time and place to sit down, get in touch with her, and allow her to express her anger. With you, with her abuser, with the ones of whom she feels didn’t do enough, with everyone and everything. Let her vent, let her scream, rant, cry and throw a temper tantrum. Let her be heard. Sometimes it’s easier to allow that part of you expression through a letter that starts out “I’m so ANGRY. I’m angry that this happened to me, I’m angry that …” Any and everything that is felt, no matter how silly your THINKING mind says it is, say it, express it. Your (her) FEELINGS don’t care if it’s rational or not. It’s how she feels, and no amount of rationalizing it will change it. Saying a feeling isn’t rational (even to ourselves) will not make it go away. Perhaps she resents you for making her feel that her FEELINGS aren’t valid, just because they may not make sense to your adult, rational mind. Then… apologize to yourself. Apologize to the little girl inside of you for not allowing her to express her feelings, for trying to force her to suppress her true feelings. Picture current self, the thinking, rational, grown-up you, hugging that frightened little girl version of you. Holding her, and apologizing for anything you’ve done to contribute to her hurt and pain. Reconnect with her.

The abused girl inside of you is angry. She’s hurt. And it may not even be you (herself) she’s angry at. Maybe deep down, she’s angry at people she feels she shouldn’t be angry with (the one’s who ‘rescued’ her, perhaps), so in lieu of expressing anger at them, she’s transferring that anger to self (you). Allow her to express that anger in an environment she feels safe in (for me, it was never to anyone but myself, a therapist or counselor always inhibited me for that initial connection, but was good to talk with about what I discovered from it).

Good luck, and I hope you find the inner peace you (and your inner child) deserve.

May all your endeavors prosper;

Amanda

]]> Comment on self defeating behavior by sioneve http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/self-defeating-behavior/#comment-22 sioneve Wed, 19 Aug 2009 05:12:27 +0000 http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/?p=32#comment-22 "Am I going to spend the rest of my adult life trying to overcome my childhood?" The child you were will always be with you. How you heal that child will perhaps determine the person you will become. May I suggest talk therapy? I did talk therapy over a couple of years, and facing all the things that had broken me was horrendously painful, but once confronted, it helped me heal. There is no excuse for what your abuser did, and you have the right to free yourself from his legacy and live your life freely. “Am I going to spend the rest of my adult life trying to overcome my childhood?”

The child you were will always be with you. How you heal that child will perhaps determine the person you will become. May I suggest talk therapy? I did talk therapy over a couple of years, and facing all the things that had broken me was horrendously painful, but once confronted, it helped me heal.
There is no excuse for what your abuser did, and you have the right to free yourself from his legacy and live your life freely.

]]> Comment on About by sleepygirl http://jlhuff.wordpress.com/about/#comment-21 sleepygirl Fri, 07 Aug 2009 10:31:29 +0000 #comment-21 I just found your blog, and it's so inspiring! I've added you to my blogroll and will be checking back with you often. :) -S I just found your blog, and it’s so inspiring! I’ve added you to my blogroll and will be checking back with you often. :)

-S

]]>